Any kind of transition in life is challenging, but changes that involve aging parents are especially difficult. Aging parents often find their transitions involve the loss of normal things – driving privileges, financial control of assets and self care. These are never easy conversations to have with your parents. .
Aging seniors frequently experience these losses in the quality of their lives as they face the end of their life. As caregivers to aging parents, it’s not enough to see to the medical needs of parents; the mental and emotional needs are just as important to ensure their overall wellbeing. Talking through these issues is just as important as the decisions that result from them. The following are some guiding principles to follow when it’s time to have a hard conversation with your parent so the best resolution can be made. How To Talk To Aging Parents With Respect Show Empathy Before you talk about the big issues, it’s important to look at it from your parent’s point of view. Communicating with older adults, especially older adults who are used to being in charge of their own life, requires an empathetic perspective. When talking to aging adults, it’s vital that you understand how much loss they experience in later years. They may have lost health, mobility, family, and friends. Letting them share these losses provides you with the opportunity to offer alternatives that help them remain in control of part of their life. Make Them Part of the Discussion Encourage discussion with your parents by asking for their ideas and input instead of telling them what they should do. Try to offer options instead of advice. Be respectful of their situation and their opinion about what should be done. Engage them in a well-rounded discussion where they become part of the resolution instead of being dictated to. Have the Discussion Early Many times families find themselves having these types of conversations when it’s too late and the family is in crisis mode. When this happens, there tend to be fewer choices available to them or you have to make rash decisions that might not be the best solution to the problem. Start the conversation with your parents now and let them know you want to make sure the right decisions will be made down the road. Being proactive instead of reactive can help prevent some of the stress on families when a parent’s health starts to deteriorate and a quick solution is needed. Make Other Family Members Part of the Discussion Other family members, such as siblings, should be part of the discussion whenever appropriate. Discuss the situation with these other family members first to create a unified team that will together do what’s best. If family members have different opinions than you about what should be done, work these out before going to your parent. This will help create a team that is working toward the same goal: the best quality of life possible. Don’t Pressure Them Don’t walk into the conversation expecting to have all the answers and make all the decisions in one sitting. Give your parents time to think about the matter at hand and think about what they would like should their quality of life ever come into question. Always Make Honor and Respect a Priority No matter what the situation is, it’s important to always remember that these people were your parents. They were at one time used to making the decisions for you and not the other way around. Approach every conversation, no matter how difficult, with this in mind and honor the role they play in your life and respect the sacrifices they always made for you. Reassure them that you will be there to support them as they proceed through these transitions. Conversations about your parents’ quality of life aren’t always easy. However, having the conversation will put your mind at ease and your parents’ mind at ease that there is a plan in place in case their quality of life changes. Talking to your aging parent with a mix of empathy, respect and practicality is a good approach to navigating these unfamiliar waters that will foster an ongoing dialogue about the best decisions for your parents and your family. ..
Housing options for older adults
If you have an older relative you are caring for, or you’re considering senior housing for yourself, you’ve likely felt overwhelmed by all the choices out there. What are the different options and how do you know which is the right one? Here’s a quick overview of the four most common options for senior care.
Independent Living Can also be referred to as retirement communities, senior apartment complexes or retirement villages. Who is it for? Someone who can manage daily activities mostly on their own, such as preparing meals, managing personal hygiene, taking medications, completing chores, driving and/or coordinating transportation, and keeping up with their finances. What does it offer? The primary benefit of an independent living community is the social network. Most communities offer communal activities and a robust social calendar, as well as amenities such as dining halls, exercise facilities and even on-site salons. Some offer access to tennis and golf for additional activity options. Assisted Personal Care Who is it for? Someone struggling to manage the daily activities listed above who needs extra assistance. May include someone with a health condition that requires regular and/or specialty care. What does it offer? Assisted living provides many of the benefits of independent living, plus additional on-site support. In addition to communal activities and amenities, assisted living communities can provide daily meals, basic housekeeping, laundry, transportation and medical care. Assisted living regulations vary by state, so do your research. The National Center for Assisted Living provides a review. Skilled Nursing Can also be referred to as nursing homes. Who is it for? Someone with illnesses or mental conditions requiring full-time monitoring and medical care. What does it offer? Skilled nursing provides the most extensive care you can get outside of a hospital. They help with custodial care such as bathing, dressing and eating. They also provide medical care, including monitoring and treatment, administered by medical professionals. Skilled nursing residents live in semi-private rooms with options for communal or individual meals. Some social activities and amenities are provided. Nursing Home Compare is a tool developed by the federal government to compare nursing homes in your region. Memory Care Who is it for? Someone with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or another type of memory problem. What does it offer? It’s important to note that while some of the facilities mentioned above provide memory care services, memory care on its own is a specific kind of long-term care designed for patients with Alzheimer’s, dementia or other memory conditions. Because they are designed for these patients, they offer specialized services such as therapeutic programs, expert supervision, social programs and family outreach. The National Alzheimer’s Association offers help in selecting a memory care facility. While these are the four most common options, there are many different kinds of communities that may specialize in one type of care or offer several. The earlier you start reviewing your options, the better; and don’t be afraid to ask for help..
